I’ve never been offered Hula Hoops at a gym before!

So I am now 6 months post natal… yes, my baby is 6 months old and I am amazed at how quickly time has flown by – complete cliche, and I know all new mums say it, but as per my first post; time does really fly.

My body was a temple before and throughout my pregnancy; when I say temple, I am talking plenty of fruit, vegetables, iron, Vitamin C before you take the iron so it absorbs quicker, water, water and more water. Avocados, nuts, seeds, full fat dairy (because low fat or no fat is bad), organic this and organic that, more water, red foods (!) to enhance your blood cells – beetroot, red peppers, plums etc.. You name it, if there was an article, a blog or evidence supporting the increase of IVF success, I was on the case. If you think alcohol was included in the equation you are wrong. I detoxed for 5 months before the process started… I “eat clean” and drank clean. That means no caffiene and diet cokes, aspartme is also a no-no. No wine, no prosecco, no pimms, no wine… Oh, I already said that. It was all worth it though and I do not regret any of it.

After I had my 11llb 3oz little baby, I lived on chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. I couldn’t get enough of the naughty foods – carbonara and legendary cheesecake from our local Italian, pastries, cheese toasties, BLT’s, burgers, local bakery breakfasts (it’s very dangerous living 150 yards from a bakery AND an Italian resturant!)… If you do the maths and think to yourself, wow, she must have dropped a stone of weight straight away, sadly this did not happen to me. If it did I missed it and I am truly gutted that I didn’t rejoice on the scales and throw myself a party. I kind of didn’t care either. I wanted to enjoy my baby, eat cake, drink tea and snuggle my boy.

After 3 months I thought I better tone it down a bit. This did not happen. It didn’t happen after 4 months either. By month 5 it was time to take action… I had a word with myself, I am going to be a bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding and DO NOT want to be the big fat sister from England (he’s getting married to a lovely Aussie girl in Brisbane, Australia). With this in mind, I joined the local gym. A fancy “David Lloyd” gym no less. It’s 1 mile down the road, it has a creche, it serves Costa coffee AND wait for it, it serves alcohol. It also has a million classes I can attend because I am so lazy when it comes to the gym (I need someone to shout at me so I actually do something). I’ve since worked out that it has controversially been named “David Lloyd BEACONSFIELD” even though it is clearly in the beautiful village of Wooburn Green (where I live). This has caused major upset (seriously, google it) but in truth, if I had a business and had the choice Beaconsfield would win hands down… It’s also controversially changing from an Adult only gym to a Family gym. Bonus for me! Ed will be ‘allowed’, this is also causing major upset. Change seems to be the problem. Embrace it I say.

Back to the point of my post. It’s a bit daunting a) being active after a C Section, as horrible as it sounds there is a small percentage of you that thinks your belly is going to pop open at any given point, b) exposing one’s body to the world after having a baby, no explanation required and c) being the new girl in a gym where there are lots of ‘amazing’ healthy beautiful people who don’t have an ounce of body fat on them wearing super cool snakeskin lycra leggings and funky trainers. Instead of shying away from it all I’ve embraced it, after all, that IS the reason why I joined. I want to be fit and healthy again. Thankfully I am tall and can get away with a lot… but there comes a time when you just want to feel good and become ‘normal’ again. Don’t get me wrong, I am still eating cakes and drinking coffees. That’s the only things new mum’s do hey? (That is seriously a JOKE). I just feel much happier now because I’ve earned my cake.  It’s all in my mind!

I’ve been to Zumba for the first time and worked out I have no co-ordination. I’ve also worked out that rocking out steps 30 seconds behind everyone else by the glass see-through door is not clever. Lesson 1 – back of the class, hidden in the corner, don’t try and be brave until you know the routine. Stay away from the front. It was fun though and I did enjoy it. Whatever the instructor had taken before teaching the class deserves to be bottled and sold. I for one would bulk buy. I’m sure she’s just high on life though, you’d need to be to be a fitness instructor in my eyes.

I walked into a class called BodyPump thinking it would be aerobic based. Silly me. It was not. I actually can say that I “pumped some iron”. It was a comedy moment for a split second. A few of the members saw my face and said that I’d be able to do it, give it a try , don’t worry etc… so there I was with an iron bar with a 1kg weight on each side. I did it even though I was tempted to run a mile! Lesson 2 – read what the class is before you sign up.

Aerobics is the class that made me laugh the most. High energy, jumping all over the place, music blaring out, full class, amazing bodies, a routine that would blow your mind (it’s the turning around and ‘travelling’ that does me in). Everyone is in time except me. Everyone knew all the moves except me. Then… the instructor shouted out shall we get the HULA HOOPS? Ooooh, I thought. Hula Hoops. Yum. Oh how wrong was I. She meant ACTUAL Hula Hoops. Cue my worst nightmare. I am not even going to describe what happened next. Let’s just say, just because you could do something really well at 8 years old does not in anyway shape or form mean you can do it when you are older. It doesn’t help when some of the ladies were hooping with 3 hula hoops. They are my heroes! Lesson 3 – don’t think of eating crisps when exercising. On the positive side, I did manage a few hula’s after about 10 mins of trying. And the instructor gave me a well done ‘nod’. Proud of myself or what.

I am not sure this will work, but I saw this video on Facebook.

It. Is. Me.

Give me a few months. I’m determined. I’ll be queen of the hula hoops, I’ll be ripping out the routines and doing back to back classes (yes, this actually happens, people do do this) before I know it. In the meantime, for those wondering if I put little Edward in the creche, don’t go to the gym so I can drink wine – I don’t. That would be wrong. The creche is only open until 1pm anyway. There is however, my local pub on the way home for that and as they say, it’s after 5pm somewhere in the world!


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